


Petty Bickering

by goblin



Category: A Knight's Tale (2001)
Genre: Bickering, Comedy, Dialogue-Only, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-09-25
Updated: 2001-09-25
Packaged: 2017-12-03 23:33:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/703909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goblin/pseuds/goblin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chaucer's taunting has an ulterior motive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Petty Bickering

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, I didn't make them up, but I truly love them and I promise to treat them nicely.

C: Is so.

W: Is not.

C: Is so!

W: Is not!

C: Is so!

W: Is _not_!

C: There is something wrong, Wat. I know it.

W: Is not.

C: I can tell by the droop of your normally sparkling eye.

W: Is _not_.

C: I can tell by the continuous tapping of your normally peaceful foot.

W: Is _not_.

C: I can tell by the enormous heaving sighs you've been emitting whenever you think I'm not paying attention.

W: You've been watching me?

C: I'm a writer.

W: That justifies it, does it?

C: Writers are meant to pry. It's the only way to really capture - 

W: You've been writing about me?

C: (pauses) No.

W: You have.

C: I haven't.

W: Have.

C: Haven't.

W: Have!

C: Haven't!

W: You've been saying nasty things about me!

C: (snorts) Hardly.

W: You've been saying... nice... things about me...?

C: ... What's wrong?

W: _No_.

C: Tell me what's wrong.

W: Tell me what you've been writing about me.

C: You first.

W: No, you.

C: I asked first.

W: Fine, fine, I'll tell you... okay. What's wrong is... I'm worried.

C: About?

W: About... love.

C: Love? What's to worry about? Love is a wondrous thing. It turns the mountains gold. It makes the sunlight nothing to the glint in your lover's eye. It - 

W: It's horrible.

C: Why?

W: Because I am not loved... in return.

C: (cunningly) How do you _know_?

W: Your turn.

C: The object of your affection _might_ have reciprocal feelings towards you - 

W: _Your turn_. What were you writing about me?

C: Oh... some descriptive passages, that's all...

W: Did you... describe me in a flattering way?

C: No, of course not. What need have I to flatter you?

W: What are you going to use it for?

C: Oh, nothing. It won't be published. It's for my own, personal - who's the lucky one, then?

W: Eh?

C: The lucky love of your little life.

W: Stop using too many l's.

C: It's called alliteration.

W: It's called being a wanker.

C: There's no need to be snide. Now. Who is it that's taken your fancy?

W: No one.

C: What's causing you to sit here in doom and gloom, then?

W: What's keeping you from your writing?

C: Writer's block.

W: Look at me. Get inspired.

C: Don't insult me.

W: You're _always_ insulting me.

C: Only because I care.

W: Oh yes. Of course. You spend all your time trying to annoy the living hell out of me because - you care.

C: Yes.

W: Wonderful. Mockery; just what I needed.

C: I mock you not.

W: We should never have helped you.

C: I was worth it! I wrote out convincing lineage papers to make William an Ulrich, didn't I?

W: We could have gotten someone else to do it.

C: Oh really? Naked talented down-on-their-luck writers run into you every day, I suppose?

W: If they did I'd cut my own throat.

C: (offended) What's wrong with naked talented down-on-their-luck writers?

W: They drive you insane. I think I am insane.

C: (looking him up and down) You look sane to me.

W: I'm not.

C: Prove it.

W: (kisses Chaucer)

C: Well. If that proves loss of sanity - send me to Bedlam.

C: (kisses Wat back)

(the end)


End file.
